By you, I feel, betrayed
For you, I would have done that
no one offered me the opportunity
to even react
I knew you, I did
before you knew you
Set myself aside because I wanted
to be better for you
and for me too
I have fought harder
you would not be able to imagine it
You do not know the journey
or the path that I walk
or the depth of my heart
You will not know
because you forgot to allow me
allow me the opportunity
Lie to myself about
about the bond I have made up
in my very own head
the truth I deny
you have floated out
the stick I have
it is not long enough
to pull you back
by you, I feel, betrayed
I awoke to the sun on my face
your soft breath on my neck
I felt you love you me
As I turn to you I breathe your air
and you breathe mine
It’s not selfish
because we are one
As we stare into each others eyes
And peer into each other soul
We slightly press closer
You gently brush those few hairs from my face
I smile slightly
as our lips touch softly together
Good Morning! ❤
Being a parent is hard and our children do not come with manuals. Being a teenager is hard and we parents do not come with manuals either.
The problem with being a teenager is that it is like a roller coaster. It is a bit exhausting being a teenager and just as exhausting for parents who have to live with one. One minute they are happy and the next minute they want to scream at the world. I recall seeing a television program that talked about teens and the program explained in-depth that the teen brain is still “under construction”. The impulsiveness, the mood swings, and all that other crazy stuff is an important process in the brains development. I am sure glad to know that there is a reason for all this madness. I have to laugh when my daughter tells me that I don’t know what it is like to be a teenager. Good lord, do you think I could forget. I remember it starting out all awkward and stressful but I also remember it getting better. That is what I want my daughter to understand. It gets better!
I asked my daughter to share some thoughts with us. Things that us “Parents” should know. If she feels this way I’m sure there are other teens that feel the same. I’m proud of my daughter for being a voice. Asking her to do the video is one more way for me to understand and to continue to stay connected with her. Parents talk to your teenagers and teenagers talk to your parents. We parents are not as lame as you think we are and we love you more than you could ever imagine.
Here what my teen has to say:
It’s been almost a year since I started this blog. I must admit that when I started this blog I had every intention of getting my shit together. I planned on doing some great paintings, drawings, and crafts that someone would want and love. I planned on putting some of these out as products and hopefully offer my family another source of income. We all know how expensive college is and my teen is rapidly approaching that milestone. She will be college bound in less than 4 years. I could cry but I’ll save that for another day. A few weeks ago I received my notice from my web host (there is a link on my home page if you are looking for a host, I am happy with their price and services) that my site was up for renewal. When I received that email it was like a nice big kick in the ass. It made me realize that I didn’t really carry out any of goals that I set for myself. I know I posted once or twice that I planned to have some products available for purchase in August of last year. Failed! It also made me think of how little I really posted and it was just another reminder that I started something that I do not seem to have time to keep up with or finish. I started to think about what it meant to not renew and no longer have my Painted Diva blog. For me it meant a lot more than I really knew. Maybe I needed a year to go by so that I could see how much it means to me to me to express myself through my blog. Then I realized something else. I haven’t truly been expressing myself at all. I’ve held back. Afraid to blog about certain things because they were things that should probably go in a personal journal and not be shared with the world. ” Screw that!”, I say. I don’t pay attention to a damn thing on the web that does not interest or affect me in some way. I sure as hell cannot expect someone to read my blog or take interest if I’m not committed myself.
I think I realized that it is not just the painting, just the drawing, or just the writing. It’s all forms of art and everything that draws me in and everything that doesn’t. It’s being indecisive but still having an opinion. It’s the chance to live in this crazy fast paced technology driven world. It’s the opportunity to share the good, the bad, and the ridiculous. It is the crazy need that seems to burn deep and it is that same need that sometimes cannot be explained in words but the challenge within that makes me want to explain “it” so badly.
So I decided that I will renew and will continue with Painted Diva. I’ve come to the conclusion that I can still be a great mom, a great wife, a valuable employee (I do have a full-time job in account management) and still make time to blog. Let me rephrase that. I think to be a better mom, a better wife, and even a more valuable employee, it is important that I blog. I’ve realized that although yes it would be nice to make some extra money, by doing the things that I love and sharing them with others, it is more important to me to just first do what I love and take it from there.
So there you have it. Another chapter begins….
I am the granddaughter of a preacher man.
My grandfather’s name is Cecil Sheppard. He was one of the most honest people I know. He was such an honorable man. I continue my journey to be closer to God because of the relationship my grandfather had with him. My grandfather passed away on December 25, 2009 at the age of 92. I thought that I would never be able to cherish another Christmas after that.
I can remember a Christmas many years ago in which most of my family was able to get together. That doesn’t happen very often since we all live in different states. I can remember everyone gathered around the dinning room table, my grandfather sitting at the head of the dinning room table. It was on that Christmas that my grandfather told us that he had several heart attacks. He told us the story of how he was out mowing the lawn just a few months back and had another heart attack and now only the top half of his heart was working. He told us that he was sure that it was almost time for him to go. It was that Christmas that he told us about how he had asked God for a few more years as he was having the heart attack on the side of the house that day. He explained that he was there with us celebrating that Christmas because God did allow him a few more years.
It was Christmas Day 2009 when my grandfather passed away but it is now just one more reason why I cherish Christmas so much more. I reminds me that God gave my grandfather several more years with us. It reminds me that it is okay to miss my grandfather but that we had to let him go and that he is forever in the arms of God.
Miss Me- But Let Me Go
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little ~ but not too long
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared.
Miss me ~ but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take And each must go alone.
It’s all a part of the Master plan, A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart,
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.
Miss me ~ but let me go.
I love You Papa!